No Sausages

You can imagine our intense disgust at being told that the Rising Sun's new menu didn't start until next Friday. Sausages hot out of the pan, no. Toys tossed out of the pram, yes.


No Bulbs

The garden is my domain, as Vic is too scared of bugs and creepy crawlies to venture into it. I was therefore amazed last autumn when she planted a host of tulip and daffodil bulbs without my supervision. She planted bucket loads. I've been looking forward to the carpet of flowers that should shoot up in the spring.

On our Sunday walk with Dazza and Tina we noticed many wild flowers and bulbs were already shooting, and Vic was disappointed that our bulbs show no signs of activity.

Dazza -- knowing his sisters gardening talents -- innocently asked if Vic had "put them in the right way up?".

"Eh? Bulbs have a right way up?!"

It looks as if our carpet of flowers is going to be a threadbare rug....


No Original Content

Picked up the latest issue of Total Film magazine in You Can't Beat yesterday. The Hollywood production and release schedules for this year and next seem to be dominated by sequels and nothing else.

We all know about LotR, Star Wars episode 3, and the third instalment of Harry Potter, but we can also look forward to:

X Men 2
Final Destination 2
Spiderman 2
Batman
Superman
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (and possibly T4)
Die Hard 4 (Bruce has agreed to do it - he had his arm twisted by Fox)
Mad Max 4 (Mel has decided the time is right to return to the dark future)
Indiana Jones 4 (Both Harrison Ford AND Sean Connery have signed up!)

However, Alien 5 is still in the balance.

Take out Final Destination from those and do you notice the pattern? Action. Heroes. A reaction to September 11th and the Gulf War 2?

I've got to say that I'm excited at the prospect of MM4 and IJ4... Cool!

[Indiana slides the stone slab to one side. His sidekick Ali peers down into the darkness.]

Ali: "Indy! There's something down there!"
Indy: "Please, not snakes... anything but snakes. I hate snakes!"

[Indy throws a torch down into the gloom, and there beneath them -- writhing and hissing in their thousands -- is a host of bright, lime green, soft toy snakes]

Ali: "Oh no Indy! They are the deadly Ikea! You go first..."

As I said, no original content.