Cane Rat Cassoullet
It gets worse. I'm 5th on Yahoo if you search for "Cassoullet". Bizarre isn't it...
The person from South Africa who did the search was presumably looking for a recipe to use their Cane Rat meat in. These big rodent fella are farmed for their juicy bush meat all over Africa, and are particularly good in spicy curries (according to the South African guy I used to work with at Entranet - his family are farmers).
Great Britons ?
The BBC are running their search for the Greatest Briton at the moment. Go cast your vote. Like all UK public votes, the results are laughable: tabloid attitudes, lack of historical knowledge and short-term memories combine to produce truly bizarre and embarassing top ten and 100 lists.
Diana is in the top ten, currently in 5th place behind Brunel, Churchill, Darwin and Shakespeare. The Peoples Princess is ahead of Newton and Elizabeth I. That's right, Diana - who did nothing for Britain except a few charity gigs and get our sympathy for a foolish broken marriage - is ahead of Queen Elizabeth the First. It beggars belief. Diana shouldn't even be in the top 50.
But it's the top 100 that really blows:
17 Michael Crawford
29 David Bowie
30 Guy Fawkes (anarchist vote #1)
33 David Beckham (ahead of the late great Bobby Moore at 69th - captain of our 1966 World Cup winners and a supreme gentleman)
40 King Henry VIII (surprisingly low in the ratings)
43 John Peel
46 Boy George
56 Sir Cliff Richard
58 Freddie Mercury (he wasn't even British)
76 The Unknown Soldier (unexpected but I can see where people were coming from)
77 Robbie Williams
83 JK Rowling
87 John Lydon (anarchist vote #2)
Can someone please explain how Michael Crawford weighs in on the chart in 17th place?!
Halloween Lunch Cancelled
Our canteen run theme days at strategic points of the year. Valentines Day will see a special Valentine Menu. So does Burns Night, Chinese New Year, and Gandhi's Birthday. Normally we have a special Halloween Menu, but this year's has been cancelled because our devoutly Seven Day Adventist Facilities Manager thinks it will promote paganism here at work. The place feels like hell, and we already have plenty of witches, so I can't see how serving up Ghoul-Lash and Stake and Kidney Pie is going to make things any worse...
Thursday, October 24, 2002
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
A Clean Sweep
Firstly, hello to Kelly at Lilac Senses. She's the second alien blogger to link to me. My excitement at being linked to is probably a source of great amusement to veteran bloggers, but as this stuff is all new to me, I can't help but get a warm rosy feeling inside at the thought that at least two net trawlers have liked my ramblings enough to come back for more. I'm really looking forward to getting my first "blogs to avoid" link though. That will be cool.
One of Kelly's recent postings gives a dire warning about the dangers of open fires and the importance of having your chimney swept by a qualified professional. Taking her terrifying story of exploding oil burners and chimney fires to heart, we had our chimney swept yesterday by our local sweep. Actually it was pure coincidence, but I'm thanking my lucky stars we've had it done.
What was a slight disappointment was the fact he didn't look as if he was in Mary Poppins - no flat cap, no sooty face, no black hands and no dancing on rooftops. He didn't even have a team of small street urchins with him to run up the stack and distract old ladies while he pockets the family silver. He looked like a van driver and just had a big industrial-sized hoover which sucked all the soot down the chimney. Clean as a whistle guv'nor.
Renaming The Blog For Financial Gain
I told you I was obsessed with them, and now I'm thinking of renaming the blog "The Unofficial Ikea Snake Website" and changing the colours to a lurid lime green.
I will then email Ikea's Marketing Manager, point out the fact that if you search for Ikea+Snake on Google you find this blog, and attempt to blag not just a crate of free snakes to give away to Thame's street urchins - who cannot even get jobs as chimney sweep monkeys - but a whole new Ikea-funded kitchen makeover as well!
I will of course retain all rights to Unofficial Ikea Snake Website merchandise. Mugs, T-shirts, pens, giant inflatable Ikea Snakes to wave at football, sex toys and Ikea Snake halloween masks. I'm going to make a mint.
All Hallows Eve
Halloween is just a week away. The americanism that is Trick or Treat has breached Britain's defenses and the whole "let's go and scare the crap out of old folks by dressing up as demons and knocking on their doors begging for sweets and money" thing grows exponentially each year. Ten years ago, the best masks you could buy here were of the rubbish 99p flimsy plastic variety that would cut your face or gouge out your eyes if you put them on wrong. These days we can get hold of the life-like soft rubber masks dead-easy and I love 'em!
I have a goblin mask that freaks Vic out, and last year I wore it to greet little tricksters at the door. I did the full goblin act - hunched over, lurching about, stupid voice, etc. Three eleven year old boys who came a knocking didn't know what to do or say apart from a nervous "but we're the ones who are meant to be dressed up!".
They were disturbed, but not quite enough for my liking, so this year I'm going to do things properly. I'm going to make a pumpkin lantern and pop his evil grinning head in the front window. I will wear my mask again, but this time in unison with a butchers apron splashed with a bucket of pigs blood from top-sausage makers Newitts. If anyone has a chainsaw I could borrow to top off the outfit, I'd be much obliged. Otherwise I'll have to make do with using a garden fork or spade from the shed.
That should impress the neighbours.
Firstly, hello to Kelly at Lilac Senses. She's the second alien blogger to link to me. My excitement at being linked to is probably a source of great amusement to veteran bloggers, but as this stuff is all new to me, I can't help but get a warm rosy feeling inside at the thought that at least two net trawlers have liked my ramblings enough to come back for more. I'm really looking forward to getting my first "blogs to avoid" link though. That will be cool.
One of Kelly's recent postings gives a dire warning about the dangers of open fires and the importance of having your chimney swept by a qualified professional. Taking her terrifying story of exploding oil burners and chimney fires to heart, we had our chimney swept yesterday by our local sweep. Actually it was pure coincidence, but I'm thanking my lucky stars we've had it done.
What was a slight disappointment was the fact he didn't look as if he was in Mary Poppins - no flat cap, no sooty face, no black hands and no dancing on rooftops. He didn't even have a team of small street urchins with him to run up the stack and distract old ladies while he pockets the family silver. He looked like a van driver and just had a big industrial-sized hoover which sucked all the soot down the chimney. Clean as a whistle guv'nor.
Renaming The Blog For Financial Gain
I told you I was obsessed with them, and now I'm thinking of renaming the blog "The Unofficial Ikea Snake Website" and changing the colours to a lurid lime green.
I will then email Ikea's Marketing Manager, point out the fact that if you search for Ikea+Snake on Google you find this blog, and attempt to blag not just a crate of free snakes to give away to Thame's street urchins - who cannot even get jobs as chimney sweep monkeys - but a whole new Ikea-funded kitchen makeover as well!
I will of course retain all rights to Unofficial Ikea Snake Website merchandise. Mugs, T-shirts, pens, giant inflatable Ikea Snakes to wave at football, sex toys and Ikea Snake halloween masks. I'm going to make a mint.
All Hallows Eve
Halloween is just a week away. The americanism that is Trick or Treat has breached Britain's defenses and the whole "let's go and scare the crap out of old folks by dressing up as demons and knocking on their doors begging for sweets and money" thing grows exponentially each year. Ten years ago, the best masks you could buy here were of the rubbish 99p flimsy plastic variety that would cut your face or gouge out your eyes if you put them on wrong. These days we can get hold of the life-like soft rubber masks dead-easy and I love 'em!
I have a goblin mask that freaks Vic out, and last year I wore it to greet little tricksters at the door. I did the full goblin act - hunched over, lurching about, stupid voice, etc. Three eleven year old boys who came a knocking didn't know what to do or say apart from a nervous "but we're the ones who are meant to be dressed up!".
They were disturbed, but not quite enough for my liking, so this year I'm going to do things properly. I'm going to make a pumpkin lantern and pop his evil grinning head in the front window. I will wear my mask again, but this time in unison with a butchers apron splashed with a bucket of pigs blood from top-sausage makers Newitts. If anyone has a chainsaw I could borrow to top off the outfit, I'd be much obliged. Otherwise I'll have to make do with using a garden fork or spade from the shed.
That should impress the neighbours.
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
Google Is Great
Sitemeter lets me see what site referred you to my Wonderful World. Go check out the link at the bottom of the page.
Mostly it's "unknown", but some are via Google.
Some poor German games freak searched for Coppertwaddle and found me. Not a surprise as there's only a handful of sites that may have commented on this top game.
More worrying is if you had searched for Ant and Dec at the NTA awards. I'm listed second on the results.
Or for Ikea Snake. I'm listed first - that's my CEC article - and second. Cue writ from Swedish corporate giant...
I'd like to apologise to those who searched for these links. It's a crazy world and I'm not helping.
Sitemeter lets me see what site referred you to my Wonderful World. Go check out the link at the bottom of the page.
Mostly it's "unknown", but some are via Google.
Some poor German games freak searched for Coppertwaddle and found me. Not a surprise as there's only a handful of sites that may have commented on this top game.
More worrying is if you had searched for Ant and Dec at the NTA awards. I'm listed second on the results.
Or for Ikea Snake. I'm listed first - that's my CEC article - and second. Cue writ from Swedish corporate giant...
I'd like to apologise to those who searched for these links. It's a crazy world and I'm not helping.
Mister Magoo
I need to get my eyes tested. Last time they saw an optician was 12 years ago, before we had to pay for the privilege. A lot can go wrong in 12 years, and as some helpful lady said on the telly, visiting your optician is more important than visiting your dentist: they can replace your teeth with synthethics, but you only get one chance with your eyes.
I need glasses of course. I've known this for the last 2 years. The realisation came at the inlaws when trying to read Teletext - the text was all blurred and fuzzy. Since then I've noticed how much quicker Vic reads road signs than me, how I struggle to read the overhead projector on my CIMA courses, and how much longer it takes me to change focus from long to short vision. I've also noticed a difference when playing golf and table tennis. Reading the football scores on Teletext last night - through my wine glass - kicked off the "I'm going" blind panic again.
I'm not surprised that my eye-sight has deteriorated, as both of my parents, all of my grandparents, and now my brother, all wear glasses. I don't have a problem with me wearing glasses: Not only will I be able to see the world as it is again, but I reckon they'll add an extra 20 points to my IQ, and with the right pair I might look as sexy as Sara. What does depress me though is the inescapable truth that my failing eys are another indication that I'm getting old. My youthful atheletic body is gradually turning into a decrepid husk.
I'll look more like Smithers than Harry Potter.
The Bells Toll
An alarm went off at 3:30 am this morning on the industrial area across from our house. Alarms have been going off virtually every night for the last few weeks. The noise pollution and lack of sleep is driving me mad. I will be psycho within a week if they continue. What can you do about them at 3:30 in the morning?! A second call to the police today resulted in a friendly chap advising me to "phone the council" aka "the police have better things to worry about". They'll soon change their tune when I go loco in Thame's High Street, dancing like a monkey with my imaginary Ikea Snake...
I need to get my eyes tested. Last time they saw an optician was 12 years ago, before we had to pay for the privilege. A lot can go wrong in 12 years, and as some helpful lady said on the telly, visiting your optician is more important than visiting your dentist: they can replace your teeth with synthethics, but you only get one chance with your eyes.
I need glasses of course. I've known this for the last 2 years. The realisation came at the inlaws when trying to read Teletext - the text was all blurred and fuzzy. Since then I've noticed how much quicker Vic reads road signs than me, how I struggle to read the overhead projector on my CIMA courses, and how much longer it takes me to change focus from long to short vision. I've also noticed a difference when playing golf and table tennis. Reading the football scores on Teletext last night - through my wine glass - kicked off the "I'm going" blind panic again.
I'm not surprised that my eye-sight has deteriorated, as both of my parents, all of my grandparents, and now my brother, all wear glasses. I don't have a problem with me wearing glasses: Not only will I be able to see the world as it is again, but I reckon they'll add an extra 20 points to my IQ, and with the right pair I might look as sexy as Sara. What does depress me though is the inescapable truth that my failing eys are another indication that I'm getting old. My youthful atheletic body is gradually turning into a decrepid husk.
I'll look more like Smithers than Harry Potter.
The Bells Toll
An alarm went off at 3:30 am this morning on the industrial area across from our house. Alarms have been going off virtually every night for the last few weeks. The noise pollution and lack of sleep is driving me mad. I will be psycho within a week if they continue. What can you do about them at 3:30 in the morning?! A second call to the police today resulted in a friendly chap advising me to "phone the council" aka "the police have better things to worry about". They'll soon change their tune when I go loco in Thame's High Street, dancing like a monkey with my imaginary Ikea Snake...
Monday, October 21, 2002
The Snake Basket
The Ikea Snake was in the shopping basket for just under 10 minutes, before Vic discovered it and threw him out. Next time I'll stick it down my trousers. Didn't buy any large items of furniture - it all looked a bit cheap. Why did I expect anything different? It's Ikea! Bonus though was the A40 into London. It should be renamed Hubcap Row.
Friday's Sweepstake
Julian asked the question at 11:02 am Friday morning.
Scott and Emma Come For Dinner
I'd been looking forward to it all day: Scott and Em coming over for dinner on Saturday night. It was one of those "I want to spend some time with friends" days. I have to say that, as usual, I really enjoyed it (Scott reads this and will tell Em if I say anything otherwise. I could've had some fun at Emma's expense and said that I didn't enjoy it, but that would be a lie and result in a clip round the ear from Em AND Vic).
Dish of the Day - apart from Scott and me - was Jamie Oliver's Quick Sausage Cassoullet with mash potatoes, followed by sticky toffee pudding. Emma, in an attempt to avoid using our toilet (she presumably has an image of me pissing all over the seat), drank all of half a cup of ginger beer whilst Scott put the lager away in his typically boisterous fashion.
As this blog is a result of me copying Scott's, it was natural that some of the evening was spent discussing blogs. By the end of the evening we had concluded that Emma should have her own blog, as the stories she tells would grace the best of the best. "Confessions of a Primary School Teacher" - with its tales of gypsy kids cursing one another and ripping each others faces off - would top many a "blogs I read" bookmark list. Add in Emma's glamour photography stories and it would rip through the internet, leaving rubber Scaryducks bobbing in its wake...
Political Sentiment Of The Day
British firemen are going ahead with their strikes in an attempt to force through a 40% pay-increase demand. I have every sympathy for them - £21K for a qualified firefighter is hardly sufficient remuneration (images of Septemebr 11th jump to mind) - but their plan to strike on Bonfire Night does seem a little irresponsible...
Plus, please avoid getting trapped in a car wreck over the next few weeks: Specialist cutting equipment won't be made available to the spotty 17 year-old soldier, who will turn up too late to save you, in a 1960's Green Goddess firetruck. Presumably he'll have to use an old tin-opener to prise you out of the twisted metal and pop you in the bodybag.
People will die because of this strike. Whose fault will it be? The firemen or their paymasters? As soon as this happens, public support for the strike action will drop like a rock.
The Ikea Snake was in the shopping basket for just under 10 minutes, before Vic discovered it and threw him out. Next time I'll stick it down my trousers. Didn't buy any large items of furniture - it all looked a bit cheap. Why did I expect anything different? It's Ikea! Bonus though was the A40 into London. It should be renamed Hubcap Row.
Friday's Sweepstake
Julian asked the question at 11:02 am Friday morning.
Scott and Emma Come For Dinner
I'd been looking forward to it all day: Scott and Em coming over for dinner on Saturday night. It was one of those "I want to spend some time with friends" days. I have to say that, as usual, I really enjoyed it (Scott reads this and will tell Em if I say anything otherwise. I could've had some fun at Emma's expense and said that I didn't enjoy it, but that would be a lie and result in a clip round the ear from Em AND Vic).
Dish of the Day - apart from Scott and me - was Jamie Oliver's Quick Sausage Cassoullet with mash potatoes, followed by sticky toffee pudding. Emma, in an attempt to avoid using our toilet (she presumably has an image of me pissing all over the seat), drank all of half a cup of ginger beer whilst Scott put the lager away in his typically boisterous fashion.
As this blog is a result of me copying Scott's, it was natural that some of the evening was spent discussing blogs. By the end of the evening we had concluded that Emma should have her own blog, as the stories she tells would grace the best of the best. "Confessions of a Primary School Teacher" - with its tales of gypsy kids cursing one another and ripping each others faces off - would top many a "blogs I read" bookmark list. Add in Emma's glamour photography stories and it would rip through the internet, leaving rubber Scaryducks bobbing in its wake...
Political Sentiment Of The Day
British firemen are going ahead with their strikes in an attempt to force through a 40% pay-increase demand. I have every sympathy for them - £21K for a qualified firefighter is hardly sufficient remuneration (images of Septemebr 11th jump to mind) - but their plan to strike on Bonfire Night does seem a little irresponsible...
Plus, please avoid getting trapped in a car wreck over the next few weeks: Specialist cutting equipment won't be made available to the spotty 17 year-old soldier, who will turn up too late to save you, in a 1960's Green Goddess firetruck. Presumably he'll have to use an old tin-opener to prise you out of the twisted metal and pop you in the bodybag.
People will die because of this strike. Whose fault will it be? The firemen or their paymasters? As soon as this happens, public support for the strike action will drop like a rock.
