A Shotgun Isn’t Subtle

Emma’s taste in music is melancholy to say the least. Her idea of an uplifting party tape is a mix of Radiohead, Joy Division, Nirvana’s most introspective moments, and the Manic Street Preachers. Music to slit wrists by is what Scott and I call it.

It was therefore a little surprising to discover that the Samaritans are promoting their new “email your problem to us” campaign with an exclusive Radiohead track that you can download from their site.

Bet Now!

Is the tune a cover version of music hall classic “The Sun Has Got His Hat On” or the Manic’s “Suicide Is Painless”?

Disclaimer: The Samaritans do great work in the community. As do Radiohead. And Emma.


My Clementine

My favourite seasonal fruit – clementines – are in the shops and selling like hot cakes. They’re at their best at this time of year and I’m addicted to them. I’ve eaten over a 1kg of them over the last 3 days – that’s 6 or 7 a day. The flip side of their juicy sweet flesh is a stomach that aches and growls like a bear in a trap.


Nelson Dislikes the Floor

The dog is staying down with us (with Bob and Mop in-law). He was confused by his surroundings yesterday and really doesn’t like our new laminate flooring. The poor mutt can’t get a grip on the surface, and so skitters and slips about. The sound of his own claws - tapping gently when he walks - freaks him out. He also struggles to lay down on it and get up off it. All in all, laminate flooring doesn’t seem very dog-friendly.

It’s great to watch though.

Lord of the Flies

One thing I failed to mention yesterday for all you Lord of the Rings fans was this:

Vic forgot to pack me any clean underpants for Sunday, so when we got down to Canterbury, we popped into Asda to pick up some cheap George pants. Lo and behold, you can actually buy official LotR branded underpants with "Two Towers" and "Lord of the Rings" printed on them.

[Think about it]

I chose plain pants...


Blood Drive

...would make a smashing address for "Spooky Manor" in an episode of Scooby Doo.

All of us at work have been invited to give blood to the National Blood Service next week. It gives me the willies. Every time the invitation comes round (normally every three months), I balance the fact that I really should give blood against the fact I'm a chicken. Ultimately the chicken wins out, but right up until the mini-bus (that the NBS send to pick up the donors) leaves, I'm pacing back and forth, one minute saying "yes I will!", the next minute "no I can't!".

I'm pathetic. I really should give blood. It could save a life. Or allow an athelete to cheat.

I'm not sure why I wimp out either. It's not the needle going in, but rather the thought of being strapped up to some sort of diabolical milking machine that's going to suck the life-juice out of me until I'm a grey and broken husk. I've seen too many vampire movies.

And they might try and force-feed me tea afterwards. [Blurgh!]

Perhaps I should get people to sponsor me...

Speccy Four Eyes

I'm shortsighted. My right eye was so bad that I didn't even recognise that the first set of opticians "symbols" were actually letters... U R B L I N D


The Show Must Go On

Britain's longest-running West End production - Mousetrap - celebrates its 50th anniversary this week. Pity the poor fellas who bought the film rights in 1953 for £5000, with the clause that they couldn't start filming until six months after the West End stage came to an end...

They're dead now. Hard cheese?


Talking Of Cheese

We made it down to my brother''s on Saturday. We went for a walk through Canterbury's European Food Fair, which was just an excuse for people to steal bits of food from French farmers. Hot spiced olives, Biddeton's Monk's spiced cider, and an assortment of speciality cheeses were the top titbits of the day, and it was really fun watching Jacob's facial expressions as he tasted new flavours.

Emma's sister Sarah, and her husband-in-waiting Gareth, would have had kittens. They work in Waitrose and believe people who pinch a grape off a bunch should be incarcerated at Her Majestys pleasure. Captial punishment should be introduced for those who give their children bananas or cookies - to keep them happy round the aisles - before paying for them at the check-out. Sarah and Gareth do not seem to understand the value to a supermarket of allowing customers to try the goods before buying. If they were in charge, they'd have a line of spiked heads outside Waitrose as a warning to others.

We didn't buy anything at the Food Fair.


I Was A Fool

We all know that I need my beauty sleep. I was therefore a little worried about the promise of a Sunday morning 6:45 wake up from my full of beans nephew. I was a fool to worry, as he was as dozy as we were at that time of the day, and it was ace that he felt comfortable enough to share our blow-up bed. Thankfully Daddy talked him into watching his Monsters Inc video rather than Bananas in Pyjamas. A close thing though.


Julian's Back From Holidaying in MK

Tina: "I watched that Doctor Zhivago last night"
Julian: "You can't beat those classic old films. My mum loves it [Doctor Zhivago]. That and Shirley Valentine..."


Churchill Wins Vote Of Being Our Greatest Briton

My faith in the British public has been restored, even though over 14% of people voted for Diana.