So Solid Crew Stole My Wallet
Vic's just phoned me to ask me to ask if I've seen her purse: It's not in her bag and she's worried that she's lost it. "Did I see it on the kitchen table this morning?". Unfortunately I can't remember, and as we left the house at the same time, I certainly didn't have an opportunity to recon the kitchen and spot it after she'd driven off.
As there has been a spate of thefts at Vic's work, she's obviously concerned that it might have been pinched. The purse is probably sat in the fruit bowl at home, but that won't stop Vic - and me - imagining that it is in the hands of a member of So Solid Crew on a fraudulent shopping sweep of Oxford Street.
Losing your wallet is a cold-sweat inducing experience. Feelings of helplessness, foolishness and the nagging worry that a crim is taking a ride on your credit, mean that I for one cannot concentrate on anything else until my huge wad of crisp fifty pound notes and gleaming gold cards is rediscovered.
The Tories Shoe Shop
Coming back from table tennis last night - we lost and I failed to win a single set - I was tuned into Radio 5 Live. They were broadcasting from the Conservative Party Conference in Brighton, and running a little phone-in competition: "If the Tories ran a shoe shop, what would the store be named?"
I can't find the results on their website, and switched off before my suggestion was aired (if at all). Therefore I don't know if my entry was a winner.
Judge for yourself:
"Lost Soles"
It has suitably dark and demonic undertones. Perhaps "Lost Soles & Jackboots" would have introduced a sufficiently fascist element too, but I only thought of that after I'd managed to get through - first time - on the phone.
At least it was better than "Down At Heel"...
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
Fifty Pence Might Buy A Mars Bar
This is the email I received from Lynn this morning regarding Jamie's collection:
"I cannot f*ckin believe it. £2.50 between V,M,T & L."
I guess V put in £1, but considering her circumstances, that's fine. M, T and Lisa therefore managed to donate a grand total of £1.50 towards the leaving collection of their boss.
Jamie has looked out for them for the last two years, protected them from themselves, developed them, and held their hands when they've been bitching to him. Most bosses would have slapped them down after about 10 minutes. We all know that they don't like him very much - for no good reason btw. But fifty pence each is an insult. Lynn and I are disgusted. They couldn't even be bothered to write anything nice in his card either. Mandy wrote "It's been interesting!". WTF does that mean?!
It's not even as if he's chosen to leave of his own accord: he's been forced out through redundancy. He's been cast adrift with no job, and at 53 he is understandably concerned at what the future now holds.
Fifty f*ckin pence.
This is another chalk mark on the "Reasons to Leave" blackboard for me. I'll be lucky to get 20p each out of them.
F*ck em as Lynn would say.
This is the email I received from Lynn this morning regarding Jamie's collection:
"I cannot f*ckin believe it. £2.50 between V,M,T & L."
I guess V put in £1, but considering her circumstances, that's fine. M, T and Lisa therefore managed to donate a grand total of £1.50 towards the leaving collection of their boss.
Jamie has looked out for them for the last two years, protected them from themselves, developed them, and held their hands when they've been bitching to him. Most bosses would have slapped them down after about 10 minutes. We all know that they don't like him very much - for no good reason btw. But fifty pence each is an insult. Lynn and I are disgusted. They couldn't even be bothered to write anything nice in his card either. Mandy wrote "It's been interesting!". WTF does that mean?!
It's not even as if he's chosen to leave of his own accord: he's been forced out through redundancy. He's been cast adrift with no job, and at 53 he is understandably concerned at what the future now holds.
Fifty f*ckin pence.
This is another chalk mark on the "Reasons to Leave" blackboard for me. I'll be lucky to get 20p each out of them.
F*ck em as Lynn would say.
Monday, October 07, 2002
He's Only Gone and Published It
Life can be full of surprises...
is the sort of thing insurance salesmen say. There is a fine line between insurance and bookmaking, and just as a bookie is never wrong, you can bet your bottom ten pence piece that life really can be full of surprises.
Unfortunately they're not always pleasant.
Justin Ruffles has finally told the rest of the world his Metropolitan Line story (dated October the 5th). Read it and generate the same feeling as if Audrey the cat deposited a little surprise for you in your slippers.
When I Grow Up, I Want To Be
A rag and bone man.
Vic and her mum depressed me last night by pointing out my current total lack of ambition and drive. They asked me what direction I'd like to travel when reaching my next career crossroads.
After much deliberation, I've decided to allow myself to be influenced by Bargain Hunt and the Brazilian kitchen helper here at work. I will make my fortune from buying tat at car boot sales - or picking it off a rat infested Sao Paulo rubbish tip - and reselling it on ebay for a tidy profit. This is the best thing I could come up with.
I should have collected those hubcaps.
Life can be full of surprises...
is the sort of thing insurance salesmen say. There is a fine line between insurance and bookmaking, and just as a bookie is never wrong, you can bet your bottom ten pence piece that life really can be full of surprises.
Unfortunately they're not always pleasant.
Justin Ruffles has finally told the rest of the world his Metropolitan Line story (dated October the 5th). Read it and generate the same feeling as if Audrey the cat deposited a little surprise for you in your slippers.
When I Grow Up, I Want To Be
A rag and bone man.
Vic and her mum depressed me last night by pointing out my current total lack of ambition and drive. They asked me what direction I'd like to travel when reaching my next career crossroads.
After much deliberation, I've decided to allow myself to be influenced by Bargain Hunt and the Brazilian kitchen helper here at work. I will make my fortune from buying tat at car boot sales - or picking it off a rat infested Sao Paulo rubbish tip - and reselling it on ebay for a tidy profit. This is the best thing I could come up with.
I should have collected those hubcaps.
