United Wastes of America

Our visit to Disney World corresponded with Memorial Weekend in the US. Many aspects of the American way of life frustrate and distress me, not least the culture of over-excessiveness and wastefulness, but one thing I can admire the US for is its national pride in its armed forces. Memorial Weekend, and the days leading up to it, feature giant Stars and Stripes flying from buildings everywhere and signs on diners, bus tops and billboards urging citizens to ‘support our troops’.

Walking through the Disney parks that week was a sobering experience: you couldn’t help but notice the significant number of young men on crutches or in wheelchairs with missing limbs and scarred flesh. Most were with their friends and families, doing their best to overcome their disabilities and enjoy a day out. Most were wearing their combat fatigues or T-shirts proudly proclaiming that they were ‘combat wounded’ or ‘a recipient of the Purple Heart’. Artificial metal legs were on show under shorts, rather than covered-up and denied. Young men whose lives had been damaged – some might say wastefully – in service to their country.

And alongside them, riding their mobility scooters towards the snack stands and restaurants, were the obese. Those too fat and too lazy to carry themselves on their own two intact legs, killing themselves due to relentless over-indulgence and service to their stomachs. Mingling with, and making a great hideous mockery of, those struggling on crutches or being pushed by wives in their wheelchairs who had sacrificed their bodies in service to their country.

Gorilla in the Midst

After watching Dom Joly's Channel 4 documentary about Tintin the other night, I twittered that I 'thought it was a bit shit' to the man himself. Not really expecting anything back*, I was surprised to receive an instant put-down reply of 'next time I will use smaller words'. Clearly I'd touched a nerve, or perhaps a knob, on the hotshot comic and the response drives me to put pen to paper and write a proper review of the show -- complete with longer words -- in order to do justice to my two word summary.

Having followed Dom's Twitter updates describing his excitement at filming his Tintin piece, I sat down expecting great things from the 24 minute show: an anticipated mix of Dom's trade-mark zany comedy antics and tremendous travelogue musings, a dash of Herge history, a cruel send-up of those wacky Belgians and Scots, and a healthy dose of fun. Oh the disappointment! Rather than an entertaining and informative programme, we the viewers got a badly-edited and light-weight street-pizza dish devoid of any elongated** enlightenment or interest. In order to squeeze the show into the short allotted time-slot Dom's visits to the Tintin museum in Brussels, and his interviews with genuinely interesting subject experts, were cut horribly short. Either side of these truncated snippets we endured the embarrassing spectacle of Dom roaming Grand Place, the Scottish Highlands and various forms of transport, dressed as Tintin*** and doing his usual Trigger Happy stuff.

Unfortunately it was these Trigger Happy style moments that seriously misfired and undermined the rest of the programme. In particular the footage of Dom deciding to steal a dog from outside a Brussels bar -- purely because Dom needed a Snowy**** -- left a nasty taste in the mouth, as the act was neither funny or clever, and the reaction of the dog owner must be something the comic will be proud of for years to come (perhaps next time Dom could steal a baby?!). A real highlight! As for the dressing-up, it failed to disguise the lack of comedy or substance in Dom's role: just as a pantomime dame's oufit is unfunny in itself, but merely a vehicle for the humour of the script or the actors satirical talents, so Dom's garbs were hollow -- but also unsupported by genuine jolly capers or jokes. Ultimately the show couldn't decide whether it was a travel programme, a history of Tintin, or just an excuse for the same old "take the piss" cheap laughs, and as a result it failed to hit the target on any count.

There were a few moments of silliness that brought a smile to the face -- the silent gorilla ending -- and some clever research and camera-work on spotting and recreating panels from the Black Isle book, but on the whole I felt it was missing a little bit of magic and was a lost opportunity to really capture the story and legacy of Tintin.

I think I'd summarise the programme, considering my high expectation levels, as a little disappointing and a bit shit. Sorry Dom.



* Unlike that letter I wrote to Ainsley Harriott, where I criticised his mushroom cuppa soup with the brilliantly inventive description of 'I thought it was a bit shit'.

** How's that for a long word Dom?

*** Dom's authentic red-coloured hair made him look more like a podgy Jimmy Somerville than the famous little detective.

**** The dog looked nothing like Snowy.