And The Winner Is...

Last night's telly was utter crap.
Normally I'd switch off and do something less boring instead, but last night I just wanted to veg out. Unfortunately there was NOTHING on the box of any note, and we ended up watching The National Television Awards *. It was like watching a car crash. Horrible, but hypnotic. Twice I leapt off the sofa and began pacing the room like a freaked-out psycho monkey trapped in cage.

It was TV of gutter life. The lowest common-denominator. The show should have been called "TV What Sun Readers Enjoy Most".

We played a guessing game: Predict the four or five programmes, or peeps, who would be on the short-list for the "best soup opera newcomer with blonde hair and a nice pair" award. Then predict the winner.

It was actually really easy in the end. You just picked anything and everything with David Jason in it. Best actor, best drama, best comedy. If David Jason wasn't in it, then you picked Ant and Dec, and if they weren't in the running, you picked the lady - especially if she appealed to the male Sun readers. It'll be exactly the same next year too.

The most exciting moment for me - apart from the size of Trevor McDonald's huge dickie - was seeing Bargain Hunt pick up Best Daytime TV show. David D was magnificent. He even thanked all those Bargain Hunters out there. I was overcome with emotion, and if I could have spoken through the tears, I would have phoned Scott up (DD's other fan) to celebrate.

The only real surprise is that Tina and the gang haven't mentioned it once today.

* Abbreviated to NTA. Considering television is normally abbreviated to TV, surely it should have been NTVA?