My Clementine Point Was

Not so much that they give me bad guts, but rather that I play a little game with myself when peeling them: I attempt to remove the peel in a single snaking piece. The curly wurly pithy helix then makes a handy projectile to toss at Julian.


Steeleye Spam

We went to the gig of the decade at Aylesbury's Civic Centre on Friday night: The Steeleye Span reunion tour.

Unfortunately one of the founder members of the legendary folk-rock outfit has a heart condition and is currently unable to tour, making the "reunion tour" tag seem foolish and undermining their groovy sound. Not a bad gig, but Maddy Prior was off her usual pace and it was lacking a certain something. After seeing them three or four times now, I can safely say that I'm prepared to pass on the tickets the next time they hit the road. They do the same act every time.

However, the excitement level of gig was improved no end by the sight of the fat man sat behind us. When he sat down it looked as if he was hiding a Space Hopper up his shirt. It wasn't natural. At the risk of losing your arm, you just wanted to prod it.


A Pigs Head Fixture

Football hooliganism is alive and kicking in Europe. Last Saturday saw the feisty contest between Barcelona and Real Madrid featuring Barca fans throwing plastic and glass bottles at their former favourite (and now Real Madrid player) Luis Figo. Someone - presumably they forgot to bring a bottle with them - lobbed a whole pigs head onto the pitch.

The Match of the Day boys, attempting to lure neutrals into viewing next Sunday's MATCH OF THE CENTURY between Oxford United and Swindon Town, sniggeringly suggested that there was "some local rivalry between the two teams" and the Oxford v Scumdon clash was a "bit of a pigs head fixture" too.

I don't think anyone will be laughing about it come Sunday afternoon.

According to the lady in the Oxford United club shop, a large number of tickets in the home stands have been sold to travelling Scumdon fans. There will be insufficient segregation. There will be fighting on the terraces. And it will all be shown live on BBC1.

The good name of Oxford United is going to be blackened across the country because somebody's messed up on the ticket sales. I despair.