You'll have to keep your card board box time machines ticking over for another day or two, as when I went to upload Friday's blog entry last night, Freeserve refused my request: Vicster tried to install Tesco as our new IPS two weeks ago, failed, and now our connection is as flaky as a Cadburys Flake.

In truth I couldn't remember our log in ID and password, but blaming it on Vic - at the risk of getting a clip round the ear from her - makes me sound less of a technofool.


The Crowbar, Ultimate Tool Of The Universe

Home Improvement Project (HIP) #1: The refurbishment of the bathroom is still unfinished. The cupboard is yet to be built, and the carpet is unchosen and unlaid. The ceiling needs another coat of paint. Our four day completion window expired 12 months ago.

HIP #2: The refurbishment of the kitchen is now on hold until next year.

HIP #3: The stripping and redecoration of the small spare bedroom was completed - bar a little glosswork - on time and on target.

HIP #4: The stripping and redecoration of the front reception / living room has now begun. Vicster stripped off the majority of the wallpaper on Sunday, whilst I went to work on the skirting boards and the door frames. The plaster covings were attacked last night: The second assault on the buggers is due to commence this evening at sundown. The room needs to be gutted by Friday, as Paul the Plasterer is coming in to patch and skim the joint. Before he can go to work, we have a number of DIY issues that need addressing: a small patch of rising damp needs injecting, a snake basket of pipes need boxing in and assorted electrics need attention.

Once Paul has done his magic, we'll be painting, installing new woodwork, and laying a new wooden floor. In other words we're going to be busy for a couple of weeks. Our dining room - with two rooms worth of furniture in it - is cozy.

So what's the secret weapon in the fight against DIY hell? What implement makes light of the hardest deconstruction work? What tool can justifiably claim to be the Ultimate Tool in the Universe?

It is the humble crowbar.

I was surprised at its POWER during HIP #1. So far in HIP #4 it has continued to prove its immense worth, ripping off the skirtings and knocking off the coving like a knife through hot butter.

If you do not own a crowbar, you do not know the void you have in your life. Take my advice: go and buy one.

Not only is it a pleasure to use, but it makes me feel like a MAN. I am the hunter and it is my club. "Bring forth the dinosaurs!".

Bring forth the prehistoric plasterwork. "Rah!"