So Solid Crew Stole My Wallet

Vic's just phoned me to ask me to ask if I've seen her purse: It's not in her bag and she's worried that she's lost it. "Did I see it on the kitchen table this morning?". Unfortunately I can't remember, and as we left the house at the same time, I certainly didn't have an opportunity to recon the kitchen and spot it after she'd driven off.

As there has been a spate of thefts at Vic's work, she's obviously concerned that it might have been pinched. The purse is probably sat in the fruit bowl at home, but that won't stop Vic - and me - imagining that it is in the hands of a member of So Solid Crew on a fraudulent shopping sweep of Oxford Street.

Losing your wallet is a cold-sweat inducing experience. Feelings of helplessness, foolishness and the nagging worry that a crim is taking a ride on your credit, mean that I for one cannot concentrate on anything else until my huge wad of crisp fifty pound notes and gleaming gold cards is rediscovered.


The Tories Shoe Shop

Coming back from table tennis last night - we lost and I failed to win a single set - I was tuned into Radio 5 Live. They were broadcasting from the Conservative Party Conference in Brighton, and running a little phone-in competition: "If the Tories ran a shoe shop, what would the store be named?"

I can't find the results on their website, and switched off before my suggestion was aired (if at all). Therefore I don't know if my entry was a winner.

Judge for yourself:

"Lost Soles"

It has suitably dark and demonic undertones. Perhaps "Lost Soles & Jackboots" would have introduced a sufficiently fascist element too, but I only thought of that after I'd managed to get through - first time - on the phone.

At least it was better than "Down At Heel"...