He's Only Gone and Published It

Life can be full of surprises...

is the sort of thing insurance salesmen say. There is a fine line between insurance and bookmaking, and just as a bookie is never wrong, you can bet your bottom ten pence piece that life really can be full of surprises.

Unfortunately they're not always pleasant.

Justin Ruffles has finally told the rest of the world his Metropolitan Line story (dated October the 5th). Read it and generate the same feeling as if Audrey the cat deposited a little surprise for you in your slippers.


When I Grow Up, I Want To Be

A rag and bone man.

Vic and her mum depressed me last night by pointing out my current total lack of ambition and drive. They asked me what direction I'd like to travel when reaching my next career crossroads.

After much deliberation, I've decided to allow myself to be influenced by Bargain Hunt and the Brazilian kitchen helper here at work. I will make my fortune from buying tat at car boot sales - or picking it off a rat infested Sao Paulo rubbish tip - and reselling it on ebay for a tidy profit. This is the best thing I could come up with.

I should have collected those hubcaps.