Speccy Four Eyes

I'm shortsighted. My right eye was so bad that I didn't even recognise that the first set of opticians "symbols" were actually letters... U R B L I N D


The Show Must Go On

Britain's longest-running West End production - Mousetrap - celebrates its 50th anniversary this week. Pity the poor fellas who bought the film rights in 1953 for £5000, with the clause that they couldn't start filming until six months after the West End stage came to an end...

They're dead now. Hard cheese?


Talking Of Cheese

We made it down to my brother''s on Saturday. We went for a walk through Canterbury's European Food Fair, which was just an excuse for people to steal bits of food from French farmers. Hot spiced olives, Biddeton's Monk's spiced cider, and an assortment of speciality cheeses were the top titbits of the day, and it was really fun watching Jacob's facial expressions as he tasted new flavours.

Emma's sister Sarah, and her husband-in-waiting Gareth, would have had kittens. They work in Waitrose and believe people who pinch a grape off a bunch should be incarcerated at Her Majestys pleasure. Captial punishment should be introduced for those who give their children bananas or cookies - to keep them happy round the aisles - before paying for them at the check-out. Sarah and Gareth do not seem to understand the value to a supermarket of allowing customers to try the goods before buying. If they were in charge, they'd have a line of spiked heads outside Waitrose as a warning to others.

We didn't buy anything at the Food Fair.


I Was A Fool

We all know that I need my beauty sleep. I was therefore a little worried about the promise of a Sunday morning 6:45 wake up from my full of beans nephew. I was a fool to worry, as he was as dozy as we were at that time of the day, and it was ace that he felt comfortable enough to share our blow-up bed. Thankfully Daddy talked him into watching his Monsters Inc video rather than Bananas in Pyjamas. A close thing though.


Julian's Back From Holidaying in MK

Tina: "I watched that Doctor Zhivago last night"
Julian: "You can't beat those classic old films. My mum loves it [Doctor Zhivago]. That and Shirley Valentine..."


Churchill Wins Vote Of Being Our Greatest Briton

My faith in the British public has been restored, even though over 14% of people voted for Diana.